1) honking at people who casually walk into the middle of the road (city life) does not have the same effect as honking at deer who casually walk into the middle of the road (country life) because they don’t run away and instead get mad and gesture at me and OK DUDE BUT YOU’RE STILL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GODDAMN STREET
2) pumps (strip club) is fascinatingly close to my apartment
3) television’s marquee moon is an excellent driving record
and on a related note, because i do some of my best thinking while driving aimlessly or while i’m supposed to be working, as stressful and terrifying and upsetting as these past couple of weeks have been, i’m finding grace in all of it. i’m letting go and acknowledging that no, it’s not all about me, and yes, there are some things i will never understand because i am a white woman who grew up in an upper middle-class home. the process of actually confronting and accepting my privilege has been a giant ego check. one thing about getting sober is you tend to get a little too confident in your natural tendency to be a good person because hey, you’re not doing awful shit in blackouts anymore. doesn’t mean there isn’t room for growth. and though i’m not sure everyone will understand each other in the end, goddammit, i’m going to try. my friends and my feminism and my community mean the world to me. at the same time, gotta keep my side of the street clean. i actually thought about googling “AA for activists” to see if that’s A Thing. tonight a girl shared and she was so fucking honest i started crying listening to her. that’s been happening a lot lately. you can just feel the warmth and gratitude in the room. i offered to become the new chair of this meeting because it is all female, right by my apartment, and life-changing every time i go. so now i have to go. so there, heidi.
anyway. one day at a time. oh, and ice cream.
Have I mentioned I love Heidi? I call her HDVDL in my head.