It took me a long time to warm up to this song, which is unusual for me with Mudhoney—it has a little Pink Floyd vibe that felt off. But I have really grown to love it. That’s about the most music writing you’ll ever get from me. TEN FUCKING YEARS. It is crazy to think the teens I was working with in the anti-war movement back then are now almost 30. And horrible to think of all those murdered for American ego.
There are people in the #choking victim tag complaining that Lana Del Rey hijacked the #born to die tag. I was in the #choking victim tag, as I often am, looking for “Suicide” but this makes as much sense as anything. It is, after all, my favorite Choking Victim song and uuuuuugh I hate my life so much.
Your hate is like jeweled flowers to me and it tastes like love. Also I would like Emily to take over the choking tag and post bad comic dude videos.
There actually isn’t a lot of undoing or unmaking in Amy’s performances, she was always already made undone. In thinking of the significance of dried tears versus very wet ones, I am faced with the fact that Amy’s #feminist crying, Amy’s #feminist makeupping, Amy’s #narccissism even was
not a process
not an unapologetic performance of public hysterics
There’s just so much not doing about Amy’s performances. In all her videos she almost refuses to perform. She sits, she lets her songs kind of come out of her. She sits, she walks. It’s so begrudging, it’s so unplayed. It’s not passive as much as it’s very, very private. Or anyway, it’s unpublic.
As much as I wanted to make tears on Back to Black about being unashamed of public crying, it was about the opposite of that. The crying isn’t Adele-wet, it’s Amy-dry. Where we are always talking about not giving a fuck about who we make uncomfortable with our tears, I think Amy’s songs are about refusing to grant anyone access to her tears. So they are dry before they are wet, so they stay on her floor.
So she walks stoic through Echo Park and saves all her singing for the hotel room. And even then, that singing is only barely a performance.
I can theorize her eyeliner-to-tear ratio all day, but that shit was almost never all over her cheeks, even when she was at her worst. Even in her saddest songs, I don’t think she ever used mascara tears as a visual tool.
As feminists we always talk about Amy as an shameless train wreck, another fable about fame. But I think we need to remember the ways that she was so carefully composed and private all the time.