I hate it when Vice is important.

The Woman Who Wants to Give Birth to a Shark

VICE : Hello Ai. Where did this idea of giving birth to sharks come from?
Ai Hasegawa: I’m 32. It’s a good age for a woman to think about giving life. But having a real child isn’t that simple. You have to give them a happy life. You can’t abandon them. I think simply wanting a baby isn’t a good enough reason to have one.

Well, it’s a good start.
We’re soon going to be facing a global food shortage crisis. How on earth are we going to feed new humans? But I still want to give life, I don’t want 30 years of painful menstruation to have all been in vain. And I want to eat good meat.

Is Carrying the fetus of another species technically even possible?
It will be, in the near future. A human uterus is just the right size to hold one fetus. I’ve been speaking to a gynaecologist about ways of making it bigger. I believe humans could use their uterus as an aquarium or incubator. Wouldn’t there be compatibility issues between a human placenta and a shark’s?
The placenta comes from the fetus, not the mother, meaning there’s no need to modify human DNA. I’ve been assured that it should be possible to create “dolph-human” or “shark-human” placentas just by modifying the animal’s DNA. I’m still doing the research, but sharks seem to be the most compatible. And as a species, sharks fit all my criteria: They’re endangered, their life-span is almost as long as that of a human, and most importantly, they’re delicious.

Do you think women will accept carrying animal fetuses?
Carrying a shark fetus inside your uterus means you have to stop menstruating. But the medication for that has very unpleasant side-effects. I think the ideal carrier profile would be a rich, single, and above all menopausal woman.

And what are the advantages of doing this?
We don’t need any more humans, there are too many already as it is. Mostly, it’s a way of preserving endangered species.

And it would be a new way of producing food. Because you could eat the shark baby after it came out. Which is a totally logical thing to do.
Exactly! And you would no longer feel the guilt of eating another animal. It’s also less costly than raising a human, and there are fewer responsibilities. I find it less terrifying than adopting a child you might end up not loving.